Your starter guide to blessing your husband

How to do the husband project

The book:

Suggests that you start this with a buddy, to help keep you accountable. I had a couple of friends in California that I did this with. There were some days when I’d call my friend and say: "Ugh, Mark came home in a bad mood today. I do not feel like blessing him!"  She (being the great accountability partner she was) would say, "well that’s all the more reason to do it"! So, I would pray and say: OK God, help me to do this for the right reasons. I don’t want to do it just because I committed to it. I want to bless my husband for who he is.

It also suggests that you don’t tell your husband what you’re doing. That way there’s no expectations. If you do miss a day, you can catch back up - with out him wondering where his blessing for the day is -

Once you get the book, you’ll read through it all. It’s short. You’ll pick an accountability partner. You’ll write out your plan. Then you’ll pick a start day and begin blessing your man for 21 days.

You’ll want to make a plan because some things require preparation. Getting a sitter for a date night, buying specific ingredients for a meal, etc.

I printed off a blank calendar online and filled in each day, based around our family calendar. I planned our date night around PNO so I knew I could have a sitter. Stuff like that.

There were a few days I had to switch when something came up last minute. It’s not about sticking to the schedule. It’s about being a blessing each day!

Remember that you need to communicate. Take time beforehand to maybe go over the friendly feud questions. Find out how you can best bless him over these 21 days.

Eventually, hopefully, you can be a mutual blessing to each other.

This book really is great! It helps you to plan specific way to bless your husband by giving you some fresh ideas. Everything from food to lingerie to flirting. But, if for some reason you're unable to get the book, I have a sheet I printed off from

www.iMOM.com

A great online resource center. (Meal planning, kids printables, recipes, parenting tips etc.)

It has a 30 day marriage challenge. I also wrote up a 2 week plan for those who have deployed spouses. It will help if you're wondering how you can bless him while he’s away. If you're interested in either, let me know & I can email them to you.

I challenge you to find an accountability partner and to start blessing your spouse. I would love to hear your stories of how it affects you and your marriage.




　

　
　

Another project, seriously!?

Recap: I thought I would share my notes for those who showed some interest and for those in our MOPS group that were unable to make it today.

If you saw my earlier posts: you’d know that many of us were surprised by the top answers from our friendly feud game, myself included! You'd also know that communication is key and goes hand in hand with the husband project. Again, if you are completly lost, I suggest you read the two previous posts..... I will wait.
The Husband Project:

I don’t remember who told us, we may have just read it somewhere. But, before we got married Mark & I were told about the 100/100 plan. Most people go into a marriage thinking it’s 50/50. Give & take. If he does this, I’ll do that and vice versa. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

However, the 100/100 plan gets you each thinking about blessing your spouse. If both of you lived each day trying to “out bless” the other. What kind of relationship do you think you could have? It could probably be pretty great!

The Husband project shows you how to practice that in realistic ways. Now, it’s not really 100/100 at this point. Because the husband project is about you blessing your husband for 21 days.

There is another book, by the same author, called: The marriage project.

My husband and I did this (I have another blog post about that from earlier in the year)

I really think you should start with this one though. How can we except our husbands to try something, if we’re not willing to try it first. Hey babe, wanna bless me for 21 days!? It might go over a little better if you’ve already done some blessing yourself.

The idea behind the husband project is that you’re doing things intentionally to bless your husband. A lot of times we do things that are a blessing. But, we’re doing them out of habit or necessity. We’re not doing them to show our husband that we love & respect him.

I know that it can be a little overwhelming. As moms, esp moms of little ones, we’re already doing a lot! So, the thought of adding even one more project to our plate isn’t always thrilling.

Just know that the husband project will benefit you too! I did it for my husband. The first few days he didn’t seem to notice. At least, he didn’t say anything. Then, about half way through he started asking, "why are you being so nice"? I told him, “I’m trying to be a more excellent wife". He was like, OK.... Then I found out he was talking to other people about me. Telling them, “Hey guess what my wife did for me” …

Proverbs 31:28 says, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her"

I know some people might think it’s old fashioned or sexist for us to take care of our men. Yet, it is biblical and it will bless your marriage! It might take awhile. But, more than likely your husband will notice a difference in you and he’ll attempt to be different as well.

Eventually, hopefully, you can get to where you’re living a 100/100 lifestyle. Striving to bless one another daily.

We teach our children the golden rule: Do unto others as you would like done to you. What better example to give them than by starting with your family. Showing them, first hand, how to bless one another.

Now, you might be wondering how to get started. It's easy! Just read my next post....
　

I can get kind of dramatic in my head

I thought I would share my notes. For those who showed some interest and for those in our MOPS group that were unable to make it today.

If you saw my earlier post: Friendly Feud, you’d know that many of us were surprised by the top answers from our game, myself included! If you do not know what I'm talking about, now would be a good time to read the previous post (then come back here)

Today I talked about being a blessing to your husband. It’s based off of this book: The Husband Project.

Before we got into that, I talked really quickly about communication. It goes hand in hand with The Husband Project.

Next month Mark & I will have been married 11 years. We usually communicate pretty well by now. But, even after all this time we occasionally screw up. Sometimes since we’ve been together for so long, we feel like we already know what the other is thinking, so why bother asking?

When I was preparing for the friendly feud game I figured I would start off by getting his answers. I thought to myself, "I don’t even really need to ask, I know what he’s going to say". I could just write his answers for him. But, I figured to be fair, I would see what he had to say.

We got to the question: what does he think about most often? I definitely could have skipped this one. I knew what his top answer would be. The same thing that every man was going to put…sex. So, when he named three other things, for his top three, I immediately thought to myself, “Why isn’t he thinking about “that” all the time”. Then I’m thinking, “It must be me! I am fat. He doesn’t love me" .... I can get kind of dramatic in my head.

I’ve been known to just stewed on thoughts like that for days until I’m convinced that there’s something really wrong with me or that my husband is probably having an affair. Here I am, all mad at him in my head, for something he didn’t do - just because his top 3 answers didn’t include sex!

Instead of letting my imagine run wild I decided to communicate. I asked him what I was thinking. Which was, "why isn’t sex your number one answer"? He started laughing at first and said, “you really think that’s all men think about"? To which I replied, not all the time but a lot of the time!

This turned into us having a conversation about how stressed he was at work. There were some situations he had to handle & some decisions he had to make. He had been having trouble sleeping cause he would lay awake thinking about it all. We had both been so busy lately we hadn’t had time to talk it out.

Now, if I hadn’t have communicated with him how I was feeling, in that moment, I would have been on my own feeling betrayed & unloved while he was just over there feeling stressed out & tired.

You’re not going to know how to bless your husband, if you don’t talk to him. Your idea of what he might want or need might be very different from what he might actually want or need.

Also remember it could change day to day. Even if you’ve been together for forever, just take a minute & say, hey babe (or whatever you call him) What can I do today to bless you? How can I help you today?

That brings us to The husband Project....

Friendly Feud Questions & Answers

For the few of you that may not know, I am a co-coordinator for the MOPS group on our military base. MOPS stands for: Mothers Of Pre-schoolers. We meet twice a  month with food, fellowship & guest speakers. Today I was the "guest speaker".

My topic was Blessing Your Spouse, based off the book: The Husband Project.

I wanted to start off the morning with a game. So, for the last couple months I've been annoyingly emailing family, friends & acquaintances asking them to fill out a short survey. I asked all my women friends, to ask their husbands, the following questions. I asked my male friends to send in their answers.

I wanted the women in our group to be thinking about communication. You won't know how to bless your husband, if you don't find out what he considers a blessing. While playing this game the women were supposed to be answering the way their husbands would.

Here are the results of my little survey:

1. Name something you think about most often:

Family
Work
Finances
Sex
The future

2. Name something your might do to relax:

Movies/TV
Hobbies: Video/Computer games, Shooting, Guitar, Building, etc
Reading
Nap
Exercise / Go for a walk

3. What is something you wish your wife were less comfortable doing
in front of you?

Going to the bathroom
Farting
Talking about or doing anything related to your period
Burping
Picking your nose

4. What is something you think you should take turns doing with your spouse?

Household Chores (top 3: laundry, dishes, Garbage)
Taking care of the kids
Yard work
Cleaning out the car(s)
Paying the bills/ Doing the budget

5. What is something your wife can do, to make you feel loved?

Tell me you love and/or appreciate me
Make my favorite foods
Sex
Hugs & Kisses
Show interest in my hobbies/do my hobbies with me

A lot of us were surprised by the answers. Well, not so much what the answers were. More like, the order that some of them came in. Thank you so much to those of you who participated in sending me your answers! I think most of the ladies really enjoyed the game. Hopefully it will inspire some wives to communicate and see what their own husbands would say.

Being Green is NOT for me: Part 2

About a month or so ago, I was cleaning the house. I got out my bleach and was mopping the floors. Apparently I didn't use the right water-to-bleach ratio. My throat started burning and my eyes started watering. I had to step outside. The thought crossed my mind... it doesn't seem safe to be using bleach wtih these kinds of results. But, that's what you clean with when you want a good deep clean, right?

Soon after that incident I saw a blog post on a friends Facebook page. I wish I could find the link. It mentioned that when large companies have their employs clean with bleach, they're required to use gloves and sometimes masks. Yet, here we are soaking our toddlers toys in it! I slowly started switching to some products that claimed to be green, i.e., more expensive. Sometimes I couldn't bring myself to pay the price. Especially, when a big ole' jug of bleach was so cheap! The writer of the blog I had read shared several common household products that you could clean your house with. They were green and inexpensive!

 I figured I would give it a try. The first thing I noticed was the price differences. These are the items & prices of what I usually would buy:

Lysol: 2.09

Pledge: 2.93

Windex: 2.00

Carpet Cleaner: 2.50

Toilet Cleaner: 1.78

Clorox Wipes: 3.99

Bleach: 1.98

Total = 17.27

This is what I bought that day:

Rubbing Alcohol: 2.29

Peroxide: 1.49

Baking Soda: 2.39

Oil: 3.94

Lemon Juice: 2.29

Vinegar: 1.99

Total: 14.39

A savings of: 2.88

However, the sizes were way larger on the green items and you use much less.

Once I combined the oil & lemon and diluted the vinegar I ended up with this:

I'm sure you're wondering what I did with the items pictured above. So, here it is:

Toilets: Straight Vinegar

Tubs: Spray straight vinegar, Sprinkle with baking soda, Scrub. Rinse

Glass/Windows: Peroxide. Keep in the brown bottle. Just add a spray nozzle

Wood Polish: Oil and Lemon juice mixed (a dab goes a long way)

Counters: Diluted Vinegar

Carpets: Sprinkle baking soda to help with odors. Rubbing Alcohol to take out stains

Floors & Walls: Diluted vinegar 

I was really leery as to whether or not this stuff would actually work. The boys had spilled chocolate pudding on our new tan dining chairs. The rubbing alcohol took it right out! The peroxide on the glass left a brilliant streak free shine. The "furniture polish" left everything sleek looking & dust free.

 Mark came home from work the first day I used thse items and his first words were, "The house looks great!" His seconds words were, "Why does it smell like vinegar? It stinks!"

It did take me a little while to adjust my nose. I had to learn clean was not just the smell of bleach or lemon Lysol. I just started opening the windows and after a bit didn't even notice the smell any more. 

Mark still wasn't quite sold. The next week he went to clean the bathrooms. He used bleach. He came out coughing & his eyes watering. He had also used the wrong ratio to dilute the bleach. He agreed to do it my way. 

I had been using newspaper, instead of paper towels, to clean the glass. I wasn't thrilled with the results. I decided to pick up some new rags that I can re-use. Two micro-fiber for the glass and two dusting rags. They work really well, even after washed.  

All that being said... I have discovered that I don't have to be completely green. I can be almost green and still make a difference. My baby steps are taking me somewhere. Maybe one day I will be almost Amish. Well, maybe. The point is - if I can do it, you can do it! Honestly, even if you're where I was a few years ago and you're not really concerned with being green; keep in mind, the few steps that I've taken have also saved money (not just in the long run). It's a win /win.

Hopefully, you've found this information as thought provoking and useful as I did.

Happy Cleaning to you! 

Being Green is NOT for me: Part 1

When I was a kid we learned about recycling and the importance of it in school. We recycled our soda cans, milk jugs and cereal boxes. That was about as far as it went.

I realized when Alexis started school she was learning a lot more about "being green". It was everywhere!

She started paying more attention to the numbers on the bottom of our trash and then telling me: "mom, you need to recycle this!" So, we did. I realized I should probably be a better example to her. However, I didn't really know how. Being "green" in my mind meant using cloth diapers, hand washing / line drying my laundry and buying an electrical car. None of which were gonna happen. I mean honestly, I like the convenience of disposable diapers and washers/dryers way too much. I was certain being green was not for me!

Awhile back I read an article about a woman named Nancy Sleeth. She was a stay at home mom & her husband was a physician. They were not religious. They were making good money. They had a beautiful large house in New England, filled with beautiful things.

Things began to change for them. I won't go into all the details. You can read more here:  http://www.amazon.com/Almost-Amish-ebook/dp/B007MATZXE/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1347606736&sr=1-2&keywords=almost+amish#reader_B007MATZXE

Basically, they ended up giving away one of their vehicles, sold half their stuff and moved into a house that was the size of what their garage used to be. He quit his job and she transitioned back into being a teacher. She wrote a book called, "Almost Amish". I thought to myself, these people are awesome! They are being green and accomplishing great things in the process. It was inspiring, yet scary.

I began to think maybe I could do some small things. Sleeth had given some fairly easy examples, baby steps if you will, in the excerpt I read from her book. For my first baby step, I decided to stop buying bottled water. I know this seems like a very small step. But, it was kind of big for me. I like convenience. With more than one kid, who doesn't? We were buying a case of water (24 bottles) at least every 10 days. Now we weren't only a little greener, (ahem, more green) we were saving a little money.

Even Mark can get on board with that!

I tried to do other little things. I worked on making sure the lights were off, even though we don't pay for electricity. I switched all our bills to paperless and canceled some magazine subscriptions. I started walking to places around base instead of driving (That one was a little short lived). This was all me attempting to be green.

                                                                                                     (cont. in part 2)

Dumb Girl

She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.

                   Proverbs 31: 17

I'm embarrassed to admit that .... plenty of times I've played the "dumb girl" to get a guy to do a job for me.

Just the other day I was calling parts stores to see how much a new car battery was. Mark was going to go pick it up. I asked the guy on the other end of the phone, "Do you guys install them as well? He says, "normally no. If you come in and ask for me though, I can do it for you". I tell Mark, "guess I'll go get the battery that way you don't have to do it yourself".

That being said - I do take pride in doing things myself, when I can. I just know what I can and can't do.

Alexis' bed broke awhile back. She then got it in her head that she wanted a day bed. Our base held a post wide garage sale a couple weeks ago. Low & behold we found a day bed all piled up on someones front lawn. The lady said that the movers lost all the hardware. So, she would give it to us for $10. (Alexis is one blessed little girl...but more on that in another post)

It sat in our garage for another week until we finally had time to make a trip to Lowes. Mark is the kind of guy who would just go in, wander around and try 1000 different screws until he found one that worked. Or, he would give up and leave.

Me, being the can do,  find someone who can do girl - I took Alexis' whole head board into Lowes. Went to the counter and told the guy, " I need 10 screws that will fit into these holes". The great customer service guy asked, "Do you need washers and nuts as well?" See, it's a good thing I asked for help- I would not have thought to get washers and nuts.

Less than $5.00 & 10 minutes later we walk out, bag and frame in hand. I decide I'm going to be super handy and put this bed together myself.

I get all the pieces together. Line up all my screws, nuts and washers and get to it. Less than 10 minutes in I realize the holes on one side of the bed are smaller than the ones on the other side of the bed. My great customer service guy only measured the screws against one hole (Can't blame him. Who doesn't have the same size holes in the same bed!?!)

The next day I head back to Lowes, with kids and frame in hand. This time I actually did attempt to find the screws myself (since I remembered what aisle we were in before) After 5 minutes I gave up and asked the guy. He said the screws I had were the smallest that would work. The next smallest size is way too small to hold the bed together. He suggested I go home and try using a ratchet or a 1/4" bit to drill the holes a little bigger.

I was kinda surprised that I actually knew what a ratchet was. I figured I could wing the drill stuff. So back home we go. I get the kids settled in front of the TV and gather my the tool box out of the garage.

I have to use both the ratchet and the drill but I'm getting the hang of it. Then, I break a nail.

I'm starting to think I'll just wait for Mark to get home and do it. Then my little bit of pride kicks in and I think to myself, "I've come this far"!

I finally finish. Alexis is thrilled! It only took $15 dollars, two trips to Lowes, 2 hours and a broken nail - But I did it! My daughter is proud of me. My husband comes home and he is proud of me. I am proud of me.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:

                 Proverbs 31:28

Marriage Project ~ Week 2ish

You may have noticed that it's been well over a week since my last blog. In fact, I'm pretty sure that we're well over our initial project goal of 21 days. The first week went pretty well. (You can read about it in my previous blog)

Going into the second week proved to be a little harder. Mark & his fellow soldiers are on their training cycle. Meaning 2-4 days a week they're out in the field. He leaves home around 9a and gets home somewhere around 11:30p. (or is out overnight) It makes planning ways to purposefully bless each other, a little more difficult; At least in the ways we had pre-planned.

Thankfully, we were able to do our second bonus project...yay! We were supposed to plan a double date. We decided to go bowling with some friends of ours. The last time I went bowling was just after Alexis was born. So, it's been awhile. We arrived at the bowling alley and as soon as we walked in we started glowing. Apparently it's cosmic bowling on the weekends, which made for a fun twist. We played four games. The husband, of our other couple, had the top score for the evening. Considering he played on a league all through high school, I think he had a bit of an advantage. I'm not sure I ever even reached triple digits. But, it was still a very fun evening!

We have managed to do some other projects as well.

Project #6: A day to pray

There's something special about coming together with your spouse to share your goals or desires & areas you may need some help with. Being able to open up and to pray with and for one another helps us connect on a different level.

Project #7 & 8 Cook Diner Together & Eat Dessert by Candlelight

This was an easy project to tackle. We both enjoy cooking & usually end up doing dinner together anyway. We decided we wanted to enjoy a special meal sans the kids. So we fed them chicken nuggets with macaroni & cheese, one of their favorites, before putting them to bed and cooking our own meal. We decided to do one of our favorites with a little flair. Steaks, mashed potatoes & sauteed mushrooms.

I was in charge of seasoning the steaks & Mark grilled them out back. I decided to add a little sometin' sometin' to our potatoes. I made mashed potatoes (yup, from scratch) and the added a little bacon, shredded cheese & green onion.  Then I popped it all into the oven for about 20 min. It was yummy!!! We usually slice the mushrooms & cook on the stove. But, this time we left them whole. Put into a shallow baking dish with about 4 sticks of butter (I know, I know) & some fresh garlic. Popped it into the oven next to the potatoes and voila. So bad for you. Yet, so delicious! While I had stepped into the other room Mark came in & lit some candles for us at the dining room table. We had planned on eating in the living room and watching a movie. But instead we enjoyed a leisurely meal with good conversation and candlelight and didn't have to leave the house or pay for a sitter. It turned out to be a very nice evening!

Project # 9: Write 10 Things You Like About the Other
We decided up front that we couldn't write about each others looks. In some ways this task was easy. But, in some ways it was hard. I didn't want to just write the everyday things I like about him. Like the fact that he cooks a yummy breakfast. I wanted it to be things that were unique to him. We shared our lists and I was surprised about some of the things he shared regarding me. Some of the stuff I thought he would have, he didn't. Some of the things he did have were things I never thought were a big deal. Though obviously, they had made an impression on him. I kept my list, of things I like about him, on my phone. That way on the days where I might not like him quite as much, I can be easily reminded of all his great qualities!

I know that Mark & I have a good relationship. Most of the time we try to practice 100% - 100%. That is, we try to help one another without expecting something in return. Most people think marriage is about 50%-50%. You do this for me & I'll do this for you. With 100%-100% you're both selflessly aiming to bless the other. How can you not be successful in that?

I would still like to continue with the rest of the projects. Primarily because it has us doing some things we wouldn't come up with ourselves or doing things we haven't done in awhile. But, even if we don't end up finishing, I can walk away knowing that our marriage doesn't suck!




Proverbs 31:17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Marriage Project: Week 1

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart,
not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.
It's a choice you make
not just on your wedding day,
but over and over again
and that choice is reflected
in the way you treat your husband or wife.
-Barbara De Angelis

In my last blog I explained that Mark and I were going to begin our 21 day journey of purposefully blessing each other. We've just completed our first week. To recap we're going through the book, The Marriage Project by: Kathi Lipp

We have three types of projects we're working on. Daily Projects require us do something to bless our spouse each day. Major Projects, are done weekly and are kid free dates for us to plan. Finally, the weekly Bonus Projects. Bonus projects are, as the author put it so nicely, a time to physically bless your spouse. Sorry, but you will not be getting a recap of those projects.

Project #1
Our first project was to give each other 30 minutes of free time. We decided ahead of time that Mark would take his free time while I put the kids to bed. That's when he usually does the dishes for us. I told him to leave the dishes for the evening and I would do them in the morning. I was supposed to get my free time after putting the kids to bed, in the form of a massage.

Well, things didn't quite go according to plan. The kids ended up having a rough night and it took me a little over an hour to finally get them into bed and asleep. Mark took his 30 minutes and then went and did the dishes. Me being a proverbs 31 woman (in the making) I got upset that he did the dishes. In my mind he didn't get his free time and I wasn't able to bless him by doing the dishes for him. I know, I know... why on earth would I complain about my husband doing the dishes!?! I finally realized that too. It just took me a little while to come around. He insisted it was fair since he still had 30 minutes of kid free quiet time in our bedroom.  Then he still gave me a massage. I guess the first day went OK. It just didn't go exactly according to plan. Me, being the control freak I am, had some issues with that. I'm working on it.

Project # 2

This project was all about me, yay! Today was Mark's day to show encouragement and appreciation for me. He was supposed to get me a card and then write one sentence in it. He went above and beyond! I must say, I was impressed. He was scheduled to be in the field that day. He would be leaving our house by 5am and not get home until midnight. Since he wasn't going to be home to give me the card he bought 3 cards and had them hidden around the house for me to find as I went about my daily routines. This was the first card I found

Inside it simply said, "You make me happy". It was so sweet and brought a smile to my face. He had even picked out a card with my favorite flowers on it... what a guy! We're usually pretty good about letting each other know we appreciate one another. This project allowed us to do that in a way that was unusual for us. 

Project #3                                                                                                                                               

Today was "Getting To Know You". We were each were supposed to fill out a short survey answering questions like, what's your favorite food, dessert, flower, etc. We decided to mix it up a little and answer the questions for each other. Allowing us to see how accurate we were and giving us a chance to talk about it after. The first question was: When is your birthday? I was feeling a bit cocky and going a bit too fast and accidentally wrote my birth year as Mark's birth year. Which means I technically got his birthday wrong, which he obviously found amusing. Other than that we pretty much got everything else right. It's been 10 years, so I would hope so.

The thing we found most funny was that in some cases we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. When asked to name a favorite fast food/restaurant, Mark wrote Carl's Jr down as one of my favorites. I wouldn't have thought to put it down myself. We don't have one right nearby, so I don't get to eat there often. But, it is one of my favorites! He even knows what my favorite meal is from there: A double western bacon cheeseburger, minus the onion rings, with a side if crisscut fries (in case you're wondering). 

This project was fairly easy for us. Which was fine, since it still gave us that chance to talk and connect. Making sure we knew that our preferences were still the same. Making sure that we know some of the little things that we might be able to buy, say or do to help brighten each others day. It's these little time of communication that I think are key to any relationship. Yet, they tend to get overlooked in the business of things.

Project # 4

Today was Mark's day. Which means it was my turn to do something special for him. My project guidelines were to make, bake or purchase a special treat for him. I made some homemade chocolate chip cookies. This is a rarity. "Homemade" cookies for me usually means I bought a roll of Pillsbury cookie dough and plopped a couple spoonfuls on a baking sheet. This day I took the time to make real homemade cookies, with a hand mixer and everything. I set some aside on a plate, so they would not be immediately devoured by the kids or I or both. He got home and went to change clothes. I took him in the plate of cookies and a monster (another favorite treat of his).  I told him to take a few minutes in the room to enjoy them, before coming out to deal with the chaos that can be our children in the afternoon. He seemed to appreciate it. Something so simple for me to do, can help remind my hubby that I love and appreciate him. Letting him know I thought about him enough that I made time to do something for him and giving him time to enjoy it. Happiness can be in the little things.

Project # 5

Today we were supposed to get active together. This particular day fell on a Saturday. We were trying to think of something we could do that would be active, but not too active since we'd have the kids in tow. The military base was having a post wide garage sale. We decided to give the kids each a baggie of change and we headed out to find some "treasures" and get active. We drove and parked, walking a few blocks around each neighborhood. It ended up being a lot of fun! The kids had a great time spending their money and we were able to go out and about on a nice Saturday morning.

We got a little behind and are playing catch up on two of the projects. I'll write about the other two projects next time around. We were able to do our first Major Project though.

The Major projects are dates. This first date was supposed to be something we used to enjoy doing before we got married. Mark suggested finding somewhere to park and make out. We did a lot of that before we were married. FYI The parking lot in Bell Air plaza, over near the hardware store, was a great make out spot! As tempting as that sounded we don't have a regular sitter anymore. So, we had to come up with plan b and improvise a little. 

When we first got married we didn't have much money. Which meant we also had no cable. Which meant we spent a lot of time playing board games. At that time we were still young and had great metabolisms. Meaning we could spend our weekends eating a ton of junk food that we would buy from the Dollar General and play monopoly for hours on end. We decided to do reenact this on a bit of a smaller scale.

We got the kids set up in the playroom with some snacks and toys. Then we popped some popcorn, grabbed the bag of leftover Christmas candy and pulled out the monopoly board. I can't remember the last time we had played together. It was a lot of fun! We're both competitive game players so there was a lot of trash talking along with some reminiscing about the days before kids. Two and a half hours later, with surprisingly few interruptions from the kids, Mark owned all the property and managed to build several skyscrapers along the way. I, on the other hand, was completely broke and had just landed on one of Mark's properties owing him $2100. He would not let me pay with kisses this time, bringing the game to an end.

It was a great way to spend the rainy afternoon. Usually we would've just watched TV. Getting a chance to play and tease and reminisce was much more fun. I think we'll have to plan a few more of these kinds of activities. Only next time with 100 calorie snacks and light popcorn!

We've started on our second week. I'm excited to see what's in store for us. I'm also excited about our next date night, which we already have planned for Saturday, kid free this time!

Hopefully you've read of some new ways you can show appreciation to your spouse. Or, maybe been inspired to turn off the TV and have a date night of your own (even if it is in your own dining room).

Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

The Marriage Project

                   "Our marriage doesn't suck"
                                                 - Mark Gavin


It's 2012. I made some resolutions. Some I've started. Some I've already quit. Some I'm putting off for one more week. One thing I knew I wanted to do was continue my journey of becoming the Proverbs 31 woman.

One thing I've learned over the years of making and breaking resolutions is that they always last longer when you do them with a partner. What better partner to rope into something then.... my hubby!

Awhile back I had purchased a book called "The Marriage Project". I had it hidden away in a drawer waiting for a good time to talk Mark into doing it with me. The beginning of a new year seemed as good a time as any. I pulled it out and showed it to Mark. He started laughing. When he stopped laughing and realized I was serious about wanting to do it together, he agreed. I told him I'd read through it first and let him know what all it was going to entail. The next night I read through it in about 45minutes.

I waited a day or so and brought it back up. He didn't seem quite as enthused as I was hoping. I think he was hoping I would have forgotton about it, that it would be one of my resolutions that didn't stick. Boy was he in for a surprise! Not only did it stick, but I had already talked to one of our favorite couples about doing it along side us. The book encourages finding a couple to do the project with in order to help keep each other accountable and to encourage one another.

He finally just came out and said what he must have been thinking all along, "Our marriage doesn't suck!". What?!? He elaborated: These are the kinds of books people need when they need help. We're doing things well. Things are good for us. Our marriage doesn't suck. Why do we need to go through this book?

I told him what the book said. This isn't about fixing a problem. It's about blessing our marriage. This book gives some hands on projects for each of us to do in order to bless one another daily, for 21 days. The author says some couples who've done these projects have started doing things differently. They realized they were putting all their energy and focus into their children or careers and giving the meager leftovers to the spouses. Some realized that they already had some great habits in their marriages and these projects just reinforced those habits.

I will agree with my husband. We've been married 10 years now. We've gone through some good, some bad and some ugly. Right now we're in a place where our marriage doesn't suck! Things are going well. We're in a good place. We work hard to help each other and to let the other know the other is appreciated. I think that's what a good marriage is about, hard work. Taking the time out of our busy days to make sure we make time for each other.

I told Mark I would make it easy for him. I went back through the book and marked the pages that basically described why we should do this, some that described what we would be doing and a couple other parts I knew would help plead my case. He sat down and read them that night, I was impressed! He came back and started talking about some of the projects a little more excitedly. A lot of things that we're supposed to do over the next 21 days, we already do. However, there are a couple things in there that we don't usually do, that he's excited about!

I say all this to let you know we begin our 21 day attempt at purposefully blessing each other on Monday. Every couple of days I'll post what projects we've been doing and how they're going.

Maybe it will give you some new ideas of things to try with your spouse. Maybe you'll just get a chuckle out of how things are going for us. Either way, I look forward to these next few weeks. I'm excited to see what things my hubby and I learn along the way and what adventures we will have as a result of these projects.

Proverbs 31: 11-12
Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.