Marriage Project: Week 1

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart,
not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.
It's a choice you make
not just on your wedding day,
but over and over again
and that choice is reflected
in the way you treat your husband or wife.
-Barbara De Angelis

In my last blog I explained that Mark and I were going to begin our 21 day journey of purposefully blessing each other. We've just completed our first week. To recap we're going through the book, The Marriage Project by: Kathi Lipp

We have three types of projects we're working on. Daily Projects require us do something to bless our spouse each day. Major Projects, are done weekly and are kid free dates for us to plan. Finally, the weekly Bonus Projects. Bonus projects are, as the author put it so nicely, a time to physically bless your spouse. Sorry, but you will not be getting a recap of those projects.

Project #1
Our first project was to give each other 30 minutes of free time. We decided ahead of time that Mark would take his free time while I put the kids to bed. That's when he usually does the dishes for us. I told him to leave the dishes for the evening and I would do them in the morning. I was supposed to get my free time after putting the kids to bed, in the form of a massage.

Well, things didn't quite go according to plan. The kids ended up having a rough night and it took me a little over an hour to finally get them into bed and asleep. Mark took his 30 minutes and then went and did the dishes. Me being a proverbs 31 woman (in the making) I got upset that he did the dishes. In my mind he didn't get his free time and I wasn't able to bless him by doing the dishes for him. I know, I know... why on earth would I complain about my husband doing the dishes!?! I finally realized that too. It just took me a little while to come around. He insisted it was fair since he still had 30 minutes of kid free quiet time in our bedroom.  Then he still gave me a massage. I guess the first day went OK. It just didn't go exactly according to plan. Me, being the control freak I am, had some issues with that. I'm working on it.

Project # 2

This project was all about me, yay! Today was Mark's day to show encouragement and appreciation for me. He was supposed to get me a card and then write one sentence in it. He went above and beyond! I must say, I was impressed. He was scheduled to be in the field that day. He would be leaving our house by 5am and not get home until midnight. Since he wasn't going to be home to give me the card he bought 3 cards and had them hidden around the house for me to find as I went about my daily routines. This was the first card I found

Inside it simply said, "You make me happy". It was so sweet and brought a smile to my face. He had even picked out a card with my favorite flowers on it... what a guy! We're usually pretty good about letting each other know we appreciate one another. This project allowed us to do that in a way that was unusual for us. 

Project #3                                                                                                                                               

Today was "Getting To Know You". We were each were supposed to fill out a short survey answering questions like, what's your favorite food, dessert, flower, etc. We decided to mix it up a little and answer the questions for each other. Allowing us to see how accurate we were and giving us a chance to talk about it after. The first question was: When is your birthday? I was feeling a bit cocky and going a bit too fast and accidentally wrote my birth year as Mark's birth year. Which means I technically got his birthday wrong, which he obviously found amusing. Other than that we pretty much got everything else right. It's been 10 years, so I would hope so.

The thing we found most funny was that in some cases we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. When asked to name a favorite fast food/restaurant, Mark wrote Carl's Jr down as one of my favorites. I wouldn't have thought to put it down myself. We don't have one right nearby, so I don't get to eat there often. But, it is one of my favorites! He even knows what my favorite meal is from there: A double western bacon cheeseburger, minus the onion rings, with a side if crisscut fries (in case you're wondering). 

This project was fairly easy for us. Which was fine, since it still gave us that chance to talk and connect. Making sure we knew that our preferences were still the same. Making sure that we know some of the little things that we might be able to buy, say or do to help brighten each others day. It's these little time of communication that I think are key to any relationship. Yet, they tend to get overlooked in the business of things.

Project # 4

Today was Mark's day. Which means it was my turn to do something special for him. My project guidelines were to make, bake or purchase a special treat for him. I made some homemade chocolate chip cookies. This is a rarity. "Homemade" cookies for me usually means I bought a roll of Pillsbury cookie dough and plopped a couple spoonfuls on a baking sheet. This day I took the time to make real homemade cookies, with a hand mixer and everything. I set some aside on a plate, so they would not be immediately devoured by the kids or I or both. He got home and went to change clothes. I took him in the plate of cookies and a monster (another favorite treat of his).  I told him to take a few minutes in the room to enjoy them, before coming out to deal with the chaos that can be our children in the afternoon. He seemed to appreciate it. Something so simple for me to do, can help remind my hubby that I love and appreciate him. Letting him know I thought about him enough that I made time to do something for him and giving him time to enjoy it. Happiness can be in the little things.

Project # 5

Today we were supposed to get active together. This particular day fell on a Saturday. We were trying to think of something we could do that would be active, but not too active since we'd have the kids in tow. The military base was having a post wide garage sale. We decided to give the kids each a baggie of change and we headed out to find some "treasures" and get active. We drove and parked, walking a few blocks around each neighborhood. It ended up being a lot of fun! The kids had a great time spending their money and we were able to go out and about on a nice Saturday morning.

We got a little behind and are playing catch up on two of the projects. I'll write about the other two projects next time around. We were able to do our first Major Project though.

The Major projects are dates. This first date was supposed to be something we used to enjoy doing before we got married. Mark suggested finding somewhere to park and make out. We did a lot of that before we were married. FYI The parking lot in Bell Air plaza, over near the hardware store, was a great make out spot! As tempting as that sounded we don't have a regular sitter anymore. So, we had to come up with plan b and improvise a little. 

When we first got married we didn't have much money. Which meant we also had no cable. Which meant we spent a lot of time playing board games. At that time we were still young and had great metabolisms. Meaning we could spend our weekends eating a ton of junk food that we would buy from the Dollar General and play monopoly for hours on end. We decided to do reenact this on a bit of a smaller scale.

We got the kids set up in the playroom with some snacks and toys. Then we popped some popcorn, grabbed the bag of leftover Christmas candy and pulled out the monopoly board. I can't remember the last time we had played together. It was a lot of fun! We're both competitive game players so there was a lot of trash talking along with some reminiscing about the days before kids. Two and a half hours later, with surprisingly few interruptions from the kids, Mark owned all the property and managed to build several skyscrapers along the way. I, on the other hand, was completely broke and had just landed on one of Mark's properties owing him $2100. He would not let me pay with kisses this time, bringing the game to an end.

It was a great way to spend the rainy afternoon. Usually we would've just watched TV. Getting a chance to play and tease and reminisce was much more fun. I think we'll have to plan a few more of these kinds of activities. Only next time with 100 calorie snacks and light popcorn!

We've started on our second week. I'm excited to see what's in store for us. I'm also excited about our next date night, which we already have planned for Saturday, kid free this time!

Hopefully you've read of some new ways you can show appreciation to your spouse. Or, maybe been inspired to turn off the TV and have a date night of your own (even if it is in your own dining room).

Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

The Marriage Project

                   "Our marriage doesn't suck"
                                                 - Mark Gavin


It's 2012. I made some resolutions. Some I've started. Some I've already quit. Some I'm putting off for one more week. One thing I knew I wanted to do was continue my journey of becoming the Proverbs 31 woman.

One thing I've learned over the years of making and breaking resolutions is that they always last longer when you do them with a partner. What better partner to rope into something then.... my hubby!

Awhile back I had purchased a book called "The Marriage Project". I had it hidden away in a drawer waiting for a good time to talk Mark into doing it with me. The beginning of a new year seemed as good a time as any. I pulled it out and showed it to Mark. He started laughing. When he stopped laughing and realized I was serious about wanting to do it together, he agreed. I told him I'd read through it first and let him know what all it was going to entail. The next night I read through it in about 45minutes.

I waited a day or so and brought it back up. He didn't seem quite as enthused as I was hoping. I think he was hoping I would have forgotton about it, that it would be one of my resolutions that didn't stick. Boy was he in for a surprise! Not only did it stick, but I had already talked to one of our favorite couples about doing it along side us. The book encourages finding a couple to do the project with in order to help keep each other accountable and to encourage one another.

He finally just came out and said what he must have been thinking all along, "Our marriage doesn't suck!". What?!? He elaborated: These are the kinds of books people need when they need help. We're doing things well. Things are good for us. Our marriage doesn't suck. Why do we need to go through this book?

I told him what the book said. This isn't about fixing a problem. It's about blessing our marriage. This book gives some hands on projects for each of us to do in order to bless one another daily, for 21 days. The author says some couples who've done these projects have started doing things differently. They realized they were putting all their energy and focus into their children or careers and giving the meager leftovers to the spouses. Some realized that they already had some great habits in their marriages and these projects just reinforced those habits.

I will agree with my husband. We've been married 10 years now. We've gone through some good, some bad and some ugly. Right now we're in a place where our marriage doesn't suck! Things are going well. We're in a good place. We work hard to help each other and to let the other know the other is appreciated. I think that's what a good marriage is about, hard work. Taking the time out of our busy days to make sure we make time for each other.

I told Mark I would make it easy for him. I went back through the book and marked the pages that basically described why we should do this, some that described what we would be doing and a couple other parts I knew would help plead my case. He sat down and read them that night, I was impressed! He came back and started talking about some of the projects a little more excitedly. A lot of things that we're supposed to do over the next 21 days, we already do. However, there are a couple things in there that we don't usually do, that he's excited about!

I say all this to let you know we begin our 21 day attempt at purposefully blessing each other on Monday. Every couple of days I'll post what projects we've been doing and how they're going.

Maybe it will give you some new ideas of things to try with your spouse. Maybe you'll just get a chuckle out of how things are going for us. Either way, I look forward to these next few weeks. I'm excited to see what things my hubby and I learn along the way and what adventures we will have as a result of these projects.

Proverbs 31: 11-12
Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.