Happy Birthday to, Who?

                     Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
                                                                                                                   ~ Proverbs 22:6


We decided before our kids were born that we wouldn't tell them there was a Santa Clause. My mom never told us he was real. In some ways that was very comforting to me. Knowing that she tried to always tell me the truth, even in the small things. Her primary reason though, for us never believing in him, was that she wanted the focus to be on Christ alone.

Don't worry, I'm not here to write about whether or not you should tell your kids about the fat guy in the red suit.

I noticed these last couple weeks that while we weren't focusing on Santa, we weren't focusing on Jesus either! They go to school each day & come home singing songs about snowmen and reindeer and bells that jingle. None of that was focusing on why we should celebrate Christmas. Those things aren't wrong. I love snowmen and reindeer and bells that jingle. But the reason I celebrate Christmas is to celebrate the birth of my Lord Jesus. Why wasn't I telling my children that?

I was feeling very convicted! Thus began my list of ways to fix the problem. My MOPS group, without knowing of my convictions, came up with some very creative and wonderful projects for us to do. Beginning with, an advent calendar:

We made these really cute little envelopes that count down the days till Christmas. Inside each envelope we listed an activity for us to do as a family.

I purposefully have "Read the Christmas story" written in there about half a dozen times.

Tonight we were going to put our nativity together. Low and behold our MOPS group made these adorable Nativity block sets this morning:

As you can see it's the Hawaiian version of the nativity. All the main people are present. On the bottom we have Mary, Baby Jesus & Joseph. Next, three wisemen. Followed by a shepherd and angel. Finally the star that led the way, placed on the tippy top. The kids loved it! We went over the Christmas story while they pointed out the matching blocks along the way. It was a fun and different way for them to listen and learn.

Some of the other activities planned in our envelopes are making cookies for our neighbors. Buying/making gifts for their siblings (they get individual days out with mom or dad to buy/create presents for each other)

While I want them to remember that Christmas is about Christs' birth. I also want them to think of this as a season of giving. It's too easy to get caught up in the getting and giving of Christmas. I want the focus to be on others instead of themselves. I was talking to someone the other day. They said their kids only get three gifts at Christmas. In the Bible only three gifts are listed when it comes to Jesus getting presents at his birth (Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh) I thought that was a neat idea. Why should we get more gifts than Jesus did?

Teaching my kids about Jesus / God,  should be an everyday thing. Don't get me wrong, I do try to incorporate Him into our daily lives. I just realized that in the busyness of the "holiday season", He wasn't getting the attention He deserved. I just though I'd share so that you could do a quick check and make sure you weren't falling into the same trap.

I'm praying that at the end of this season I can look back and say, "I trained my child(ren) in the way they should go, so that when they're old they won't turn from it."

              

^{Proverbs 31:10}
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Accountable Kids

"My dad just writes a list. If we don’t do what it says, he whoops our butts!"

I mentioned in my last blog that we were going to be starting the "Accountable Kids Program". I had some people asking how it was going. I figured I’d explain how it works and recap our last couple of days.

We were at the park over the weekend. I sat at one of the tables and started putting the kids’ new program boards together. Soon there was a group of kids around me asking what I was doing. I explained that we were going to be working harder at our house to be responsible. I said that these boards would help my kids to know what they were supposed to do each day. One little girl pipes up, “My dad just writes a list. If we don’t do what it says, he whoops our butts”! She was so serious, I had to try not to laugh. That’s definitely one way to do it. And honestly, we’ve tried it. We needed something new though. Something different. A fellow MOPS mom introduced me to this program.

Part of the program is introducing family meetings. We had our first family meeting last Sunday. I was a little nervous considering it’s hard to get the kids to sit still for any period of time. They ended up doing really well! We sat them on the couch and told them that we were going to start having family meetings every Sunday evening. For this first meeting we went over the new program with the kids. They were excited to see their new personalized boards. And they listened well to what we had to say.

Basically you do this program in three phases. The first phase is teaching the kids that they need to do things around the house because they’re contributing to our family. They are part of our family and we all have to do our part to help out. We then went over that the things they’re used to doing/getting. (TV time, computer time, playground time) These are all privileges. Privileges must be earned. The chores we picked were things that they are pretty much already doing. This way they're learning to do them consistently and are learning to use their time and privileges wisely.

The program comes with several pre-printed cards. We used a lot and tweaked a few. We added different job descriptions to the photos they had. And printed off photos of our own to use on the blank cards they provide. The photos are all detailed enough that even the boys new what most of them meant. We went over each card though so they would know for sure.

Each morning, afternoon and evening they have a list of things they do. If they complete all their cards (for the specific time frame) they receive 1 ticket. Later they can turn that ticket in for a privileges. We have a list of the privileges printed out a and hung above their boards.

They caught on so quickly! The first morning they were so excited that they all woke up at 6a. I usually wake them by 7a to get ready for school. They came running into my room and said they were ready to start their chores. I told them it was too early and to go watch tv. Alexis said, “mom we can’t!” We don’t have any tickets yet. We have to pay a ticket to watch tv”. Ugh!! I wasn’t expecting this. I am not a morning person. I decided to add a new rule to the program. The program starts at 7a. If you’re up earlier, you’re allowed to have ‘free time’. You can watch tv or play on the computer. But at 7a everything goes off and our day and our chores begin. This has worked well for all of us so far!

They all earned their tickets in the first half hour that first morning. They were completely ready for school by 7:30a. We usually are yelling & running out the door at 7:50. So, as after we said our morning prayer we walked out the door at 7:45 and Alexis said, “I think this is going to be a good day”! They were all so proud of themselves for earning their tickets. It made the morning go so smoothly. They even did stuff they don’t usually do in the morning, like make their beds!

In the afternoon they have homework, a couple more chores & snack time. We usually come in and the boys go straight to the tv. They haven’t even asked this week to watch tv. They go straight to their boards and start on their cards. Then they went and played. Alexis asked to use one of her tickets the first day to play video games during her snack time. She then abruptly changed her mind and said she wanted to save her ticket and play with her brothers instead! They’re enjoying saving their tickets & using them for our park time rather than tv time! We were getting really lazy and letting them watch too much tv. So, this has been a big plus for us.

Another great card included is the “quiet card”. We’ve made our quiet time between 5-5:30. This is our normally crazy time. They’re allowed to read or do puzzles. We’ve done this every other day. It’s worked pretty well. The program suggests they each go to separate rooms. We tried that. The boys cried because they wanted to be together. Now they get one warning. If they’re not playing quietly they have to go to separate rooms. We haven’t had to separate them yet.

Mark came home one day last week and commented on how clean the house looked. It was a good feeling. Mostly because I hadn’t had to follow the kids around all day cleaning to make it happen. They have a clean up cards several times through out the day.

For those using the program already, there were a couple things we noticed right away. We had to have cards for everything. The first day we didn’t have a card for putting away their dishes after they ate. That’s normally just something they do on their own. But, they were so excited to do the cards they left all the dishes and ran straight to the board. We added a "clean up dishes" card after each meal & snack card, haven’t had any more trouble.

We introduced the best behavior card at our first meeting as well. We explained they could earn this card for showing best behavior through the day. They couldn’t ask for a best behavior card. It was something we would surprise them with if we saw them doing something great without being asked.

The first two days Alexis kept doing things and asking for a best behavior card. We would just thank her for whatever she did and remind her best behavior cards couldn’t be asked for.

On Wednesday Michael & Alexis both had rough days. They both ended up loosing all their privilege cards as a result of bad behavior. Gabriel was the only one with cards left. He had been exceptionally good that day. He even asked Mark, on his own, to help take out the recycling. So, that evening we awarded Gabriel the first best behavior card. He was so proud of himself, it was awesome to see! Alexis & Michael were both upset. The next day we noticed they were both better behaved. They didn’t earn a best behavior card. But, we did make sure to acknowledge the good they were doing.

Overall we're really happy with the program. I'm not saying this so that you'll all run out and buy it. I just think some of the principals were really good and maybe you would like to use them as well. For those of you already using the program, I'd love to hear how it's working for your families so far!

We'll have another family meeting Sunday to see how the kids are liking it and to add phase two to the program.

Step Two: The Privilege Pass is introduced to eliminate specific negative behaviors. This process empowers children to predict consequences, follow rules, and redirect themselves towards positive behaviors. A Special Date Card is added to allow children to work for future rewards and enhance parent/child relationships. 

                                                                                 - Accountable Kids Website

Proverbs 31: 27-29
She oversees the care of her house. She is never lazy. Her children say good things about her.
Her husband brags about her and says, “There are many good women, but you are the best.”

Secret to Success

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure.”~ Colin Powell

　
Over fall break I decided I should clean. I started with the kitchen, living room and dining room. Not just the simple presentable clean. A deep clean. The kind of clean where I clean the inside of the microwave. The kind of clean where I take things out of the dining room hutch. Dust them. Dust the hutch. Then put everything away again. The kind of clean that makes me want to sleep on the kitchen floor because the rest of the house now looks disgusting compared to the glistening, lemon scented, clean of those three rooms. You get the picture? I cleaned!

 

I don't have the time or energy to clean like this during my regular week schedule. I don't think any of us do.
Today at our MOPS group our speaker mentioned the Proverbs 31 woman. She said, “she is a scary lady”.

I’ve already told you in previous blogs that it is my goal to be like her. I quickly learned that while I can strive to be like her and do all the things she does, I can not do all the things she does at once. Our speaker today said it well, “You can try to do everything all at once. But, something will eventually have to give. Usually it ends up being our mental health!”

I’ve been spending a lot of time these past few weeks thinking of ways to make things easy. Looking for that secret to success. I started thinking of the areas that cause the most chaos & stress around our house. I compiled a list of those things along with some things we've done around here that worked. Things I've heard that work. Things that I'm getting ready to try. Things that I know from experience, don't work.

• Meal planning

We plan meals on a weekly basis. We’ve tried two weeks at a time. And even a month at a time. With the way our schedule is and the space we have to store food. Right now a week plan works best for us. I plan our meals and keep a list on the fridge. That way each morning I just have to pick something off of the list & defrost it so it’ll be ready for that night. I’ve also started adding a crock-pot day. Once a week I plan for something I can cook in the crock-pot. This way I take care of it at the beginning of the day and it’s done. I can stay at the park an hour longer that afternoon and avoid the hassle of preparing dinner at our most chaotic time of day.

• Disciplining

We were having a hard time lately with Alexis. She’s the kind of kid that works best with routines & set instructions. So, we made a list of the top 3 things she was struggling with. We wrote them on a piece of paper. Each of those “problem areas” now have a set consequences. This way she knows exactly what kind of response she’ll get from each action. I’m not yelling back at her in frustration & telling her she’s lost the TV, computer & all her Barbies for a month (out of anger & a lack of having a set consequence in place) I’m not proud to admit that has actually happened.

• Cleaning

The first thing I've been doing is trying to be more aware of my time. I'm the queen of, "well, I only have an hour before I have to go do ---. I might as well just sit here". I hate starting projects, cleaning, etc. Only to have to stop. I get in a groove. I don't like to stop once I'm in my groove. But, I've had to re-think that. I've realized I need to do what I can, when I can.

So, when I was waiting for the sink to fill up (in order to defrost dinner for later that night) I decided to unload the dishwasher, instead of just standing there staring into space. When I was taking my "me time" watching a favorite show while the kids napped, I folded two loads of laundry. When I walked out of the bedroom this morning I grabbed all the laundry I could find on my way to the kitchen & tossed it into the washing machine. Being more conscious of those minutes here and there and using them more wisely, has helped to keep things a little more tidy.

This is a great site. It can be a little overwhelming at first. I’m starting up slowly. I’ve just used a couple of her tips and have noticed a difference.

http://flylady.com/

We’re also working with the kids more. Giving them more responsibility. We’ve decided to purchase a positive parenting program. I know that I could probably make something similar to this myself. But, I don’t have the time, energy or desire to do so. So yes, I paid for this. My family is all very visual and Mark, Alexis & I are “list” people. When we have something staring at us in the face, we’ll do it. Otherwise we’re lost. This program will hopefully help to continue to keep us on track. Even without the program, we learned some helpful tips regarding chore distinction with the kids

http://www.accountablekids.com/

These are only three of our problem areas. I could talk about more and I might at another time. Hopefully, this gave you some ideas of things you could try or at least some inspiration to try something new. If anyone has any helpful suggestions concerning these three (or other problem areas) I’d love to hear from you.

I know that often their will be curvballs thrown our way. Like when my boys decided to have a poo fight in their bedroom. Or, when they paited themselves, my bedspread and the floor with nail polish.

　

Sometimes crap happens. These are the moments you can't plan for. The stresses you can't factor into your day. You just deal with them as they come along. You pray for peace, Patience, perseverance and long suffering. Most importantly you laugh. (sometimes it might not be till much later in the day)

Proverbs 31: 25-28

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:

Veni, vidi, defecit ?

Julius Caesar supposedly described one of his victories as:

“veni, vidi, vici.”

Translation: "I came, I saw, I conquered."

You'll notice my title is slightly different:

"Veni, vidi, defecit."

Translation: "I came, I saw, I failed."

This was my feeling last week. I had a little mini breakdown in my kitchen. Mark & I were cooking dinner together. The kids were in the other room. We were talking about my Bible study class (the Excellent Wife study).  We had had just covered the page: Ways a Wife May be the Glory of Her Husband. It was basically a list of ways that you could help and take care of your husband everyday. It came off as very Donna Reed like.

I always thought I would love to be Donna Reed. The perfect housewife. My children would be little angels, only occasionally get into mischief. I would keep an immaculate house. I would know how to garden and cook and sew. Dinner would be on the table, for my adoring husband, when he arrived home from work each evening.

Here's the reality: I have twin boys that get into mischief (or worse) on a daily basis. I have a laundry pile as tall as my daughter waiting to be folded & put away. My floors need to be mopped. I have little hand prints and smudges on all my windows and most of my walls. Forget gardening, I can barely keep house plants alive. Cooking, well if you saw my Potato (Poh-tA-toe) Potato (Poh-ta-toh) post you would know what that's like. Tonight I have to glue my daughters girl scout patches on her vest because my sewing skills are non-existent. 5:00pm around our house is utter chaos! I try hard to have dinner at least defrosted. But, sometimes that's as good as it gets. Donna Reed. Who's Donna Reed?

I started telling my husband about some of the things the book suggested that I could do. Then I started crying. I had been trying so hard the last couple of weeks to be this perfect wife, mother, woman. Now I had this list of all new things I could be doing. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't do it all. I felt like a failure. My wonderful husband then proceeded to tell me all of the things that I do for him and our family. He told me that he couldn't do what I do. Which is great. Because, there's no way I could do what he does. He then reminded me that I had decided I wanted to be a more excellent wife, mother, woman. Not a perfect one. That's where I got overwhelmed. Rather than doing what I originally planned, working on small things to become more excellent. I had started trying for "perfection" in every area.

We're all at different stages of our lives. For me, during this season of my life, I will have near constant fingerprints and smudges on my windows and walls. I will have little boys who are learning and exploring and making messes. I will have laundry that may pile up. I may not always have dinner on the table. But, I will have a happy and well cared for family. They will know that I love and appreciate them. I will continue to do little things to become more excellent. I will not stress about it. I will not drive myself and my family crazy over it.

I will live, love, laugh and attempt to become a Proverbs 31 woman along the way.

Be encouraged that you can become more excellent in little ways. And, remember to enjoy the season you're in.

My Excellent Adventure

In my last post I mentioned I was on a journey of becoming a more excellent wife. If you're anything like me  you just heard Bill & Ted's voice saying, "Excellent" ! in that annoying and unforgettable way.

I'm involved in a ministry called PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel). It's a group of military wives who meet weekly for food, fellowship & encouragement. Each semester you choose a Bible study that you will work on in smaller groups.

I chose to join the study based on the book with the same title as this guide.

I am a pretty good wife. You can ask my husband. No really, go ahead and ask. I did. I was pretty sure he would say yes. I figured I should know what he was going to say. You know, in case  people cornered him in the commissary asking if it was true or not. Now, I know that there's room for improvement in everything. While I may be a pretty good wife, I am far from excellent.

In the beginning of our study we went over the Proverbs 31 woman. She's basically a super wife, super mom and super woman. I want to be her! If you don't know who the proverbs 31 woman is you can look her up in the Bible or online under Proverbs 31: 10-31. She's a great example of how to be a more excellent woman.

So, I decided to start the blog: A Proverbs 31 woman (in the making) to catalog Bill & Ted's My Excellent Adventure. Or more accurately, My Adventure to Excellence! I will be sharing the new ways, little and big, in which I am trying to be more excellent. Hopefully along the way I'll get to hear some of your ideas on how you show excellence in your life. Together we can become Proverbs 31 women.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised

Proverbs 31: 30

Potato (Poh-tA-toe) Potato (Poh-ta-toh)

I am embarrassed to admit that in my almost 10 years of marriage I had never made mashed potatoes from scratch ! We had always eaten the boxed stuff. When we first got married it was plain Potato Spuds from Betty Crocker. 

After a couple years I started feeling adventurous and we branched out to the Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, still by Betty Crocker.

The last couple years, when I started getting more "health conscious" we made the big leap to Redskin & Yukon Gold Mashed potatoes, from Hungry Jack. What's healthier than Redskin potatoes, right ?

On my recent journey of becoming a more excellent wife and mother I decided to do the unthinkable. I was going to make mashed potatoes from scratch! I found a recipe on SkinnyTaste.com http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/08/skinny-meatloaf-cupcakes-with-mashed.html

As I gathered my ingredients for the Skinny Garlic Mashed Potatoes, my 6.5yr old daughter came into the kitchen. When I told her I was making mashed potatoes & she saw that I had real potatoes in hand she responded with a, "I didn't know you could do that !" When I asked her to elaborate she said, "Make mashed potatoes from real potatoes" ! Have I ever had real mashed potatoes before?

Apparently my less than savvy cooking skills have been hindering my daughter more than I realized. Needless to say I made meatloaf "cupcakes" & mashed potato "frosting". They didn't turn out quite like the pictures on the website

 But, the kids enjoyed them and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, I think real mashed potatoes will be our new way to eat potatoes. Well, after we finish off the 2 boxes of instant Redskin & Yukon Gold potatoes in the pantry.