Your starter guide to blessing your husband

How to do the husband project

The book:

Suggests that you start this with a buddy, to help keep you accountable. I had a couple of friends in California that I did this with. There were some days when I’d call my friend and say: "Ugh, Mark came home in a bad mood today. I do not feel like blessing him!"  She (being the great accountability partner she was) would say, "well that’s all the more reason to do it"! So, I would pray and say: OK God, help me to do this for the right reasons. I don’t want to do it just because I committed to it. I want to bless my husband for who he is.

It also suggests that you don’t tell your husband what you’re doing. That way there’s no expectations. If you do miss a day, you can catch back up - with out him wondering where his blessing for the day is -

Once you get the book, you’ll read through it all. It’s short. You’ll pick an accountability partner. You’ll write out your plan. Then you’ll pick a start day and begin blessing your man for 21 days.

You’ll want to make a plan because some things require preparation. Getting a sitter for a date night, buying specific ingredients for a meal, etc.

I printed off a blank calendar online and filled in each day, based around our family calendar. I planned our date night around PNO so I knew I could have a sitter. Stuff like that.

There were a few days I had to switch when something came up last minute. It’s not about sticking to the schedule. It’s about being a blessing each day!

Remember that you need to communicate. Take time beforehand to maybe go over the friendly feud questions. Find out how you can best bless him over these 21 days.

Eventually, hopefully, you can be a mutual blessing to each other.

This book really is great! It helps you to plan specific way to bless your husband by giving you some fresh ideas. Everything from food to lingerie to flirting. But, if for some reason you're unable to get the book, I have a sheet I printed off from

www.iMOM.com

A great online resource center. (Meal planning, kids printables, recipes, parenting tips etc.)

It has a 30 day marriage challenge. I also wrote up a 2 week plan for those who have deployed spouses. It will help if you're wondering how you can bless him while he’s away. If you're interested in either, let me know & I can email them to you.

I challenge you to find an accountability partner and to start blessing your spouse. I would love to hear your stories of how it affects you and your marriage.




　

　
　

Another project, seriously!?

Recap: I thought I would share my notes for those who showed some interest and for those in our MOPS group that were unable to make it today.

If you saw my earlier posts: you’d know that many of us were surprised by the top answers from our friendly feud game, myself included! You'd also know that communication is key and goes hand in hand with the husband project. Again, if you are completly lost, I suggest you read the two previous posts..... I will wait.
The Husband Project:

I don’t remember who told us, we may have just read it somewhere. But, before we got married Mark & I were told about the 100/100 plan. Most people go into a marriage thinking it’s 50/50. Give & take. If he does this, I’ll do that and vice versa. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

However, the 100/100 plan gets you each thinking about blessing your spouse. If both of you lived each day trying to “out bless” the other. What kind of relationship do you think you could have? It could probably be pretty great!

The Husband project shows you how to practice that in realistic ways. Now, it’s not really 100/100 at this point. Because the husband project is about you blessing your husband for 21 days.

There is another book, by the same author, called: The marriage project.

My husband and I did this (I have another blog post about that from earlier in the year)

I really think you should start with this one though. How can we except our husbands to try something, if we’re not willing to try it first. Hey babe, wanna bless me for 21 days!? It might go over a little better if you’ve already done some blessing yourself.

The idea behind the husband project is that you’re doing things intentionally to bless your husband. A lot of times we do things that are a blessing. But, we’re doing them out of habit or necessity. We’re not doing them to show our husband that we love & respect him.

I know that it can be a little overwhelming. As moms, esp moms of little ones, we’re already doing a lot! So, the thought of adding even one more project to our plate isn’t always thrilling.

Just know that the husband project will benefit you too! I did it for my husband. The first few days he didn’t seem to notice. At least, he didn’t say anything. Then, about half way through he started asking, "why are you being so nice"? I told him, “I’m trying to be a more excellent wife". He was like, OK.... Then I found out he was talking to other people about me. Telling them, “Hey guess what my wife did for me” …

Proverbs 31:28 says, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her"

I know some people might think it’s old fashioned or sexist for us to take care of our men. Yet, it is biblical and it will bless your marriage! It might take awhile. But, more than likely your husband will notice a difference in you and he’ll attempt to be different as well.

Eventually, hopefully, you can get to where you’re living a 100/100 lifestyle. Striving to bless one another daily.

We teach our children the golden rule: Do unto others as you would like done to you. What better example to give them than by starting with your family. Showing them, first hand, how to bless one another.

Now, you might be wondering how to get started. It's easy! Just read my next post....
　

I can get kind of dramatic in my head

I thought I would share my notes. For those who showed some interest and for those in our MOPS group that were unable to make it today.

If you saw my earlier post: Friendly Feud, you’d know that many of us were surprised by the top answers from our game, myself included! If you do not know what I'm talking about, now would be a good time to read the previous post (then come back here)

Today I talked about being a blessing to your husband. It’s based off of this book: The Husband Project.

Before we got into that, I talked really quickly about communication. It goes hand in hand with The Husband Project.

Next month Mark & I will have been married 11 years. We usually communicate pretty well by now. But, even after all this time we occasionally screw up. Sometimes since we’ve been together for so long, we feel like we already know what the other is thinking, so why bother asking?

When I was preparing for the friendly feud game I figured I would start off by getting his answers. I thought to myself, "I don’t even really need to ask, I know what he’s going to say". I could just write his answers for him. But, I figured to be fair, I would see what he had to say.

We got to the question: what does he think about most often? I definitely could have skipped this one. I knew what his top answer would be. The same thing that every man was going to put…sex. So, when he named three other things, for his top three, I immediately thought to myself, “Why isn’t he thinking about “that” all the time”. Then I’m thinking, “It must be me! I am fat. He doesn’t love me" .... I can get kind of dramatic in my head.

I’ve been known to just stewed on thoughts like that for days until I’m convinced that there’s something really wrong with me or that my husband is probably having an affair. Here I am, all mad at him in my head, for something he didn’t do - just because his top 3 answers didn’t include sex!

Instead of letting my imagine run wild I decided to communicate. I asked him what I was thinking. Which was, "why isn’t sex your number one answer"? He started laughing at first and said, “you really think that’s all men think about"? To which I replied, not all the time but a lot of the time!

This turned into us having a conversation about how stressed he was at work. There were some situations he had to handle & some decisions he had to make. He had been having trouble sleeping cause he would lay awake thinking about it all. We had both been so busy lately we hadn’t had time to talk it out.

Now, if I hadn’t have communicated with him how I was feeling, in that moment, I would have been on my own feeling betrayed & unloved while he was just over there feeling stressed out & tired.

You’re not going to know how to bless your husband, if you don’t talk to him. Your idea of what he might want or need might be very different from what he might actually want or need.

Also remember it could change day to day. Even if you’ve been together for forever, just take a minute & say, hey babe (or whatever you call him) What can I do today to bless you? How can I help you today?

That brings us to The husband Project....

Friendly Feud Questions & Answers

For the few of you that may not know, I am a co-coordinator for the MOPS group on our military base. MOPS stands for: Mothers Of Pre-schoolers. We meet twice a  month with food, fellowship & guest speakers. Today I was the "guest speaker".

My topic was Blessing Your Spouse, based off the book: The Husband Project.

I wanted to start off the morning with a game. So, for the last couple months I've been annoyingly emailing family, friends & acquaintances asking them to fill out a short survey. I asked all my women friends, to ask their husbands, the following questions. I asked my male friends to send in their answers.

I wanted the women in our group to be thinking about communication. You won't know how to bless your husband, if you don't find out what he considers a blessing. While playing this game the women were supposed to be answering the way their husbands would.

Here are the results of my little survey:

1. Name something you think about most often:

Family
Work
Finances
Sex
The future

2. Name something your might do to relax:

Movies/TV
Hobbies: Video/Computer games, Shooting, Guitar, Building, etc
Reading
Nap
Exercise / Go for a walk

3. What is something you wish your wife were less comfortable doing
in front of you?

Going to the bathroom
Farting
Talking about or doing anything related to your period
Burping
Picking your nose

4. What is something you think you should take turns doing with your spouse?

Household Chores (top 3: laundry, dishes, Garbage)
Taking care of the kids
Yard work
Cleaning out the car(s)
Paying the bills/ Doing the budget

5. What is something your wife can do, to make you feel loved?

Tell me you love and/or appreciate me
Make my favorite foods
Sex
Hugs & Kisses
Show interest in my hobbies/do my hobbies with me

A lot of us were surprised by the answers. Well, not so much what the answers were. More like, the order that some of them came in. Thank you so much to those of you who participated in sending me your answers! I think most of the ladies really enjoyed the game. Hopefully it will inspire some wives to communicate and see what their own husbands would say.

Being Green is NOT for me: Part 2

About a month or so ago, I was cleaning the house. I got out my bleach and was mopping the floors. Apparently I didn't use the right water-to-bleach ratio. My throat started burning and my eyes started watering. I had to step outside. The thought crossed my mind... it doesn't seem safe to be using bleach wtih these kinds of results. But, that's what you clean with when you want a good deep clean, right?

Soon after that incident I saw a blog post on a friends Facebook page. I wish I could find the link. It mentioned that when large companies have their employs clean with bleach, they're required to use gloves and sometimes masks. Yet, here we are soaking our toddlers toys in it! I slowly started switching to some products that claimed to be green, i.e., more expensive. Sometimes I couldn't bring myself to pay the price. Especially, when a big ole' jug of bleach was so cheap! The writer of the blog I had read shared several common household products that you could clean your house with. They were green and inexpensive!

 I figured I would give it a try. The first thing I noticed was the price differences. These are the items & prices of what I usually would buy:

Lysol: 2.09

Pledge: 2.93

Windex: 2.00

Carpet Cleaner: 2.50

Toilet Cleaner: 1.78

Clorox Wipes: 3.99

Bleach: 1.98

Total = 17.27

This is what I bought that day:

Rubbing Alcohol: 2.29

Peroxide: 1.49

Baking Soda: 2.39

Oil: 3.94

Lemon Juice: 2.29

Vinegar: 1.99

Total: 14.39

A savings of: 2.88

However, the sizes were way larger on the green items and you use much less.

Once I combined the oil & lemon and diluted the vinegar I ended up with this:

I'm sure you're wondering what I did with the items pictured above. So, here it is:

Toilets: Straight Vinegar

Tubs: Spray straight vinegar, Sprinkle with baking soda, Scrub. Rinse

Glass/Windows: Peroxide. Keep in the brown bottle. Just add a spray nozzle

Wood Polish: Oil and Lemon juice mixed (a dab goes a long way)

Counters: Diluted Vinegar

Carpets: Sprinkle baking soda to help with odors. Rubbing Alcohol to take out stains

Floors & Walls: Diluted vinegar 

I was really leery as to whether or not this stuff would actually work. The boys had spilled chocolate pudding on our new tan dining chairs. The rubbing alcohol took it right out! The peroxide on the glass left a brilliant streak free shine. The "furniture polish" left everything sleek looking & dust free.

 Mark came home from work the first day I used thse items and his first words were, "The house looks great!" His seconds words were, "Why does it smell like vinegar? It stinks!"

It did take me a little while to adjust my nose. I had to learn clean was not just the smell of bleach or lemon Lysol. I just started opening the windows and after a bit didn't even notice the smell any more. 

Mark still wasn't quite sold. The next week he went to clean the bathrooms. He used bleach. He came out coughing & his eyes watering. He had also used the wrong ratio to dilute the bleach. He agreed to do it my way. 

I had been using newspaper, instead of paper towels, to clean the glass. I wasn't thrilled with the results. I decided to pick up some new rags that I can re-use. Two micro-fiber for the glass and two dusting rags. They work really well, even after washed.  

All that being said... I have discovered that I don't have to be completely green. I can be almost green and still make a difference. My baby steps are taking me somewhere. Maybe one day I will be almost Amish. Well, maybe. The point is - if I can do it, you can do it! Honestly, even if you're where I was a few years ago and you're not really concerned with being green; keep in mind, the few steps that I've taken have also saved money (not just in the long run). It's a win /win.

Hopefully, you've found this information as thought provoking and useful as I did.

Happy Cleaning to you! 

Being Green is NOT for me: Part 1

When I was a kid we learned about recycling and the importance of it in school. We recycled our soda cans, milk jugs and cereal boxes. That was about as far as it went.

I realized when Alexis started school she was learning a lot more about "being green". It was everywhere!

She started paying more attention to the numbers on the bottom of our trash and then telling me: "mom, you need to recycle this!" So, we did. I realized I should probably be a better example to her. However, I didn't really know how. Being "green" in my mind meant using cloth diapers, hand washing / line drying my laundry and buying an electrical car. None of which were gonna happen. I mean honestly, I like the convenience of disposable diapers and washers/dryers way too much. I was certain being green was not for me!

Awhile back I read an article about a woman named Nancy Sleeth. She was a stay at home mom & her husband was a physician. They were not religious. They were making good money. They had a beautiful large house in New England, filled with beautiful things.

Things began to change for them. I won't go into all the details. You can read more here:  http://www.amazon.com/Almost-Amish-ebook/dp/B007MATZXE/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1347606736&sr=1-2&keywords=almost+amish#reader_B007MATZXE

Basically, they ended up giving away one of their vehicles, sold half their stuff and moved into a house that was the size of what their garage used to be. He quit his job and she transitioned back into being a teacher. She wrote a book called, "Almost Amish". I thought to myself, these people are awesome! They are being green and accomplishing great things in the process. It was inspiring, yet scary.

I began to think maybe I could do some small things. Sleeth had given some fairly easy examples, baby steps if you will, in the excerpt I read from her book. For my first baby step, I decided to stop buying bottled water. I know this seems like a very small step. But, it was kind of big for me. I like convenience. With more than one kid, who doesn't? We were buying a case of water (24 bottles) at least every 10 days. Now we weren't only a little greener, (ahem, more green) we were saving a little money.

Even Mark can get on board with that!

I tried to do other little things. I worked on making sure the lights were off, even though we don't pay for electricity. I switched all our bills to paperless and canceled some magazine subscriptions. I started walking to places around base instead of driving (That one was a little short lived). This was all me attempting to be green.

                                                                                                     (cont. in part 2)

Dumb Girl

She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.

                   Proverbs 31: 17

I'm embarrassed to admit that .... plenty of times I've played the "dumb girl" to get a guy to do a job for me.

Just the other day I was calling parts stores to see how much a new car battery was. Mark was going to go pick it up. I asked the guy on the other end of the phone, "Do you guys install them as well? He says, "normally no. If you come in and ask for me though, I can do it for you". I tell Mark, "guess I'll go get the battery that way you don't have to do it yourself".

That being said - I do take pride in doing things myself, when I can. I just know what I can and can't do.

Alexis' bed broke awhile back. She then got it in her head that she wanted a day bed. Our base held a post wide garage sale a couple weeks ago. Low & behold we found a day bed all piled up on someones front lawn. The lady said that the movers lost all the hardware. So, she would give it to us for $10. (Alexis is one blessed little girl...but more on that in another post)

It sat in our garage for another week until we finally had time to make a trip to Lowes. Mark is the kind of guy who would just go in, wander around and try 1000 different screws until he found one that worked. Or, he would give up and leave.

Me, being the can do,  find someone who can do girl - I took Alexis' whole head board into Lowes. Went to the counter and told the guy, " I need 10 screws that will fit into these holes". The great customer service guy asked, "Do you need washers and nuts as well?" See, it's a good thing I asked for help- I would not have thought to get washers and nuts.

Less than $5.00 & 10 minutes later we walk out, bag and frame in hand. I decide I'm going to be super handy and put this bed together myself.

I get all the pieces together. Line up all my screws, nuts and washers and get to it. Less than 10 minutes in I realize the holes on one side of the bed are smaller than the ones on the other side of the bed. My great customer service guy only measured the screws against one hole (Can't blame him. Who doesn't have the same size holes in the same bed!?!)

The next day I head back to Lowes, with kids and frame in hand. This time I actually did attempt to find the screws myself (since I remembered what aisle we were in before) After 5 minutes I gave up and asked the guy. He said the screws I had were the smallest that would work. The next smallest size is way too small to hold the bed together. He suggested I go home and try using a ratchet or a 1/4" bit to drill the holes a little bigger.

I was kinda surprised that I actually knew what a ratchet was. I figured I could wing the drill stuff. So back home we go. I get the kids settled in front of the TV and gather my the tool box out of the garage.

I have to use both the ratchet and the drill but I'm getting the hang of it. Then, I break a nail.

I'm starting to think I'll just wait for Mark to get home and do it. Then my little bit of pride kicks in and I think to myself, "I've come this far"!

I finally finish. Alexis is thrilled! It only took $15 dollars, two trips to Lowes, 2 hours and a broken nail - But I did it! My daughter is proud of me. My husband comes home and he is proud of me. I am proud of me.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:

                 Proverbs 31:28